alright, so i slept like at 3.40 am this morning. yawns, im still tired. i need alot more sleep. i couldn get my contacts out yesterday for like an hour. i was so damn pissed off. and i was alr so damn freaking upset. rahh. then i started crying. -_- okay nvm. my eyes hurt. ohwells, everythings over and i believe things will get better! so yes, be positive and happy!
haha, im good at making myself happy i guess. its all in the mind. hmm well, it feels as if im bullshitting, maybe my brain is not functioning properly.
arghh. i still cant stand it when this thought comes into my mind. well, i just hate ppl who lie. really. whats wrong with telling the truth man? the truth may be upsetting. but finding out the truth after being lied to is the most darnit painful thing ever. i never want to go thru it again.
let me think. if one day my girlfriend gets really angry with me, what will i do. okay presuming that im a guy now. hmm, first i'll call her and sort everything out. if she ignores me. then hmm i think i'll get a bouquet and give her a surprise at her doorstep, and that is if shes at home. and then i will promise that i will never do whatever i did again. and i really wont do it. cause i know how much it hurts and i will never want to hurt her in the same way again. i want her to be happy always. i'll do anything in the world just to see her smile and say that she forgives me. thats the extent i'll go to for the one i love. i sound like a perfect boyfriend. tahah okay. i wish im a guy now. guys dont get hurt that much. tis is so unfair.
hmm mahjong at wenyao's later. the original plan for today is cancelled. ohwells, it has to be.
you dont make me feel as if im being cared for. not a single sms last night. from 9pm till 3.40am. i waited. i did. i was a fool i guess. everything was a real disappointment. i tried so hard to trust you again. and i deem myself foolish to do so. so you didn really love me i guess. your actions dont show. will you hurt the one you love twice? in exactly the same way? and its not the only times that i got upset. there was so much more, but i just didn say. i suffered in silence to not be a burden. and i got all this in the end. perhaps its wat i deserve for being so dumb. i should have knew that all this was too good to be true in the first place. and its not gonna be a happy ending like i thought. alright, someone shoot me, i'll get you the gun. i need alot of water. or i'll dehydrate. yes im really sad. cause i really do love you. i finally sort out stuff and learnt that i really do love you. and things started going down. i knew you lied on wednesday. but i didn want to expose it. i thought maybe you'll tell me that ure sorry that u lied. but i was wrong, yet again. so i have made alot of mistakes and decisions. so i cant blame anyone but myself. i cant believe i try so hard in every way just to spend time with you, to see you. and all i got was nothing. i waited for your call on friday. but u didn even call. i was holding my phone all the way right after school. and i felt so much like an idiot. i told you to call me if u want, and u called and say i go and sleep first okay. what can i say? NO? you'll never call and clear things up. its all thru smses. and i hate it seriously. we'll only talk on the phone if i asked. and you, its just online and smses. all the youre the most important to me was nth but bullshit. everything else is more important than me. i dont want it to end, really i dont. but its the best way out. to save myself from more hurt. to get myself out before i fall deeper and end up being the ultimate loser in this game. youre free to go. free to do anyth u want. you wont have to lie no more.
i wonder if you'll even be sad.
you didn even do anything to solve the problem
so this our last goodbye-
AND ITS REALLY OVER
alright, stop crying like a dumbshit you idiot. wash up , eat ur breakfast and get your ass to yao's house. NOW. alright, this is really bad. i cant stop crying. i have never cried so much in a long time. forget it. i shall go off now. its a tragedy.
5/21/2006 12:22:00 PM
THE GIRL
fairfield
sixteen
7th august 90
kimberley_yeo@hotmail.com
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