i just ate chicken chop! im growing fat, SUPER FAT. imagine me, 80kg. OH NOOOOO!
im chatting with sheranne now. haha i love her :)
`aye see, im so niceee. haha, CURIOSITY KILLS TWEETY
and i have been using the com since 12 plus. -_-"and i have major papers next week. major memorising needed. but i cant settle down to study, like usual. but this time's worse. i have got things weighing on my mind. im just gonna get my ass into s2e. i cant be bothered about getting in or not anymore.
sometimes i think that i lost the feeling of love. maybe im numbed. maybe this and maybe that. i dunno. i forgot the feeling of being in love. im scared to venture into another one, im afraid of being hurt. cause that feeling sucks. months of picking yourself up from where you were abandoned. months of trying to sew up that big wound in your heart. painful months of trying to let him go. ouch, i seriously dont want to get back into that again. now, what state am i in? i love him, at least thats what i think. but at the same time, whats the feeling of love? i lost it, i did. and it will be hard for me to find it back, i guess. im holding back. im scared to love and be loved. cause i'll hurt. or be hurt. either way, the feeling sucks.
its best being single, with no one liking you. and yourself not likin anyone. carefree and happy. no worries of being hurt, of being abandoned, no uncertainty, no insecurity, no this and that. just a plain happy kid. i long to be like that. lin, im so envious of you. really i am. i have never been like that in my whole life. and i want a taste of it.
and i think that being lesbian is pretty good also. both are girls, both will know what each other wants, and will thus be happier. i dont long to be a lesbian though, but i dont mind being one.
i just want to be carefree, but i like the feeling of being in love, from my memory. but loving is hard, and keeping a relationship is even harder. singlehood is the best.
its never gonna be easy. to juggle life and love. all i want is to be happy. with or without love.
now im in a dilemma, do i mean it when i say that i love you. i think i mean it, but then isit true. i think it is, but i never know. cause im lost, in this whirlpool of feelings. i never will know till i find back that feeling. the feeling of love.
> im happy when i receive your smses. happy when i get calls from you. happy when u make the effort to spend time with me. and i feel as if im melting when u say sth sweet. but all these, are they signs that im in love? i seriously dunno. i was still thinking about how much i love you. and that i will say yes, if you ever pop the question. but im stumbled by myself. i find it hard to reply ur smses now. cause im not sure whether what im saying is true or not. i feel so helpless. i need someone to guide me. when i think back, i feel that i really love you. and thinking of all the things that i have done, those lil joyful moments when i get to see you. those extra efforts made just to be able to get a glimpse of you, i think that i love you. but wait, these few days. i did miss you, and that is if i hadn lost the feeling of missing someone. but i didn miss you as much as i thought i would miss someone whom i love alot. maybe i was occupied with stuff, but maybe i just dont love you that much. i wish that im wrong, i wish that the truth is that im actually head over heels in love with you. but now, the truth's masked. and it takes time to unmask it.
sometimes i feel hurt, when u seem to not care. is that part of love? and now, im sad. do all these mean that i love you? if they do, then i wish that im not in love. cause love hurts. maybe its cause im thinking too much, or im too sensitive thats why im upset. but im still me, and its hurting. and i feel tears welling up.
its amazing, how i was smiling just a while ago, and now, i feel that tears are going to pour.
and i hate to have to act as if im happy.
so whats the conclusion? do i love him or not.
and whats done cannot be undone.
i dont want to hurt anyone. im sorry if i did.
5/06/2006 06:53:00 PM
THE GIRL
fairfield
sixteen
7th august 90
kimberley_yeo@hotmail.com
NETBALLER
wing attack-
centre
fourDEE 06 <3
bottle; ALPHABERTS
froggie; NETBALL ZOO
slimy; the SLs
no.2; STFs
thomas; MUT
squid; UNDER THE SEA
DIAMOND
EATING; SHOPPING
sleeping, rotting, slacking
has a SWEET TOOTH
know more abt me ;
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