JUST SO YOU KNOW ;

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

im feeling pretty alright now, as in im feeling quite light hearted.
was thinking about you on the way home. and i was thinking, i dont mind taking you back if we will be more than friends again. i smiled as i thought about you.

i have no idea why but now i find myself in a very difficult position. that i just want to declare that im a lesbian or sth. maybe i shouldnt think so much about them.

i dont wish to hurt, please, dont ever say those to me. cause im not worthy. i can feel something. 1,2,3,4,5.

im trying to be normal.

so yah, things arent great for me these couple of days. im single now, yupp. although i really still wanna be with him. but wells, maybe this is the best. so yah, im gonna be just fine (:

im proud of myself, i am. i never thought that i will be so okay. i thought i would bawl like a newborn, and be a quiet kid in school. but heyy, im okay. theres a part of me who really want you and i back, real bad. but theres a bit of me that says, -heyy, maybe this is better. maybe things will be better. i cried, i did. but yah overall, im okay (:

it did matter to me, alot. it did matter whether u still want to carry on a not. but after sunday, i just found it so much easier to let you go. and though i will still want to carry on if you want me back now. but maybe after two weeks, i will say to you "its too late to want me back now" cause im gonna force myself to let you go. maybe we will be together again, but thats highly impossible. as much as i want to be with you, im letting you go. i love you still, but it will fade. time will heal. im being postive (:

to those out there, who have ALWAYS been there for me. just to name three really important ones. elis, nicolette and chye aik. you guys have always been there. thanks alot darlings. and not forgetting others like julia, corinne, aileen, joel, clement, lissa, xinyi blah blah. thanks alot everyone.

and the few of you. thanks also.

i'll be just fine.
cant believe that im okay (:

MONDAY
31st july

brought ALOT of food to school. met weijie at dover. and the nice him helped my carry my stuff (: thanks asshole. HAHA. math was the first lesson. was talking and talking. then miss yeo called my name. my eyes just went wide. thank god mel turned around and signalled the answer to me (: thank you! mrs quek was in class. so she said a few words to us after lesson. then elis and i just kept cheering and clapping. then the stupid cedric turned around and said "YOU ALL ALSO NV LISTEN, CHEER FOR WHAT" idiot man, he said so loud lah. haha

pe was fun. we did baseball. haha my team comprises of the STFs, we won 9-1 when we were the runners. and we drew 1-1 when we were the fielders. haha mad fun. fourdee (:

recess was alright. my food wasnt nice. ugh.

ss was fine. didn do much actually.

math was next. boringgg.

chem, had this chem quiz. heyy my group got 8 upon ten. NOT BAD NOTTT BAD eh (: haha, we were the champions (:

class contact, did the flags. painted and stuff.

after school. rushed off to eat and everything. man, my grand cooked so much. haha and the good was great great great. yummaye. haha

then rushed off to remedial. i was damn pissed off cause i wanted to go off. its like im just wasting two hours there lah. i also wont listen. then she damnit refused to let me go. ARGH. so yah. she was damn what lah.

left right after remedial. met esmonde and kengheng. and we hurriedly left school. kengheng ACTUALLY KNEW that we were bringing him to cut hair. HAHA. so yah. to tiong, jantzen for his haircut. HEYY, HES ONE HANDSOME YOUNG LAD NOW (:

so after that, esmonde and me shared venezia. haha kengheng is damn cute lah.

bussed back to school. met up with aileen they all. then chatted on the parade sq. couldn stop rattling on about how happy i am and how handsome kengheng is. so yah. left shortly after. went off with shah.

met jem, neo and wenhui at the bus stop. so yah. bussed with them. neo was sitting on the high high platform thing behind me. so he was talking to me, and i had a hard time facing him. my neck was like going to break. haha. and that guy, he told me new stuff, showed me something and yah. hes one great friend, never expected him to be so honest with me. and i never expected him to be willing to share with me, and thanks neo, for being there for me and stuff. really appreciate it. i love you, my great great friend (:

so yah. shit happened afterward. just when the chatbox popped up, i click send. heyy i regretted like shit. but well. sighs. actually things were getting better. its my fault actually, for minding too much about those five girls. you were replying me like instantly, like the past. i was not used to it, but i was happy. but i had to go and make things bad by asking for a break. well, my bad.

so yah. sunday was pretty great. smsing you and all. but i had to ask for a break again on monday night. and now, ohwells. my bad.

nvm, i have to look forward. and yah, we will still be very good friends, i hope.

so yah. tuesday morning. teared on the way to school. chapel was alright. math was a bore. english was boring too. miss mano just jacked me again lah. wahlao. she kept staring at me as she talked. then i used my book to cover my face, then when i lowered my book, she was STILL staring at me -_-"

recess was okay. mushroom and cheese prata. and beehoon

bio pract was okay.

walked past him. i said eh, but he didn respond. so elis helped me passed what i wanted to pass to him. its a month late, exactly. i didn have the chance to give them to him, cause we didn go out at all. ohwells. so yah, passed them to him ytd. sixteen paper hearts.

elis said that he looked sad. ohwells, he told me hes super tired. hmm.

chem was alright. math was sucky. changed seat. and yuck, i hate my seat now.

so yah. the bell went off and yah. the whole bunch of us went mad. haha then dric was like "YOU NOT HAPPY ISIT, FIGHT LAH" then i took the paper ball from his hand and threw it at his face. so we were laughing then he stared at me "U THINK ITS VERY COOL ISIT" then he threw the paper ball at elis's face! HAHA damn funny lah. and there was A MOLE ON HIS NOSE. then we tried to tell him that its ink, so i told him that i take picture and show him. then right, he really go put his nose in front of my cam. DAMN FREAKING FUNNY LAH. haha i laughed like shit.

rushed off soon after. asked kong to help me pass sth to aileen. haha then kengheng asked me to go for lunch and then go bugis with him cause he had tuition. mad ah. i couldnt. haha sorry handsome. haha then i rushed off to dover. met enshao. then trained to bugis. haha yah the whole shopping trip was fun and all. it was an educational trip though. enshao learnt ALOT ALOT from me! HAHAHA. overall, it was fun and all (: nacho libre was funny. the skinny guy is damn CUTE. haha "I LOOK HIDEOUS, DID U GIVE THEM THE PERMISSION TO HURT ME LIKE THAT?" hahaha and im NEVER going to bugis to watch movie EVER AGAIN. the seats SUCK.

haha. so yah bussed home afterward. came home. was real tired. watched tv with grand in uncle's room. AND I FELL ASLEEP and i refused to wake up, i know. haha

> happy supposed second month.

so yah. today morning. school as per normal. had some short performance in the morning.kinda amusing. haha. yupp. so chinese was eew. gross. elis didn come today. yah. so math was ahhhh damnit boring. had to stand at the back cause i didn do my work. but heyy, I KNOW NO SHIT ABOUT THAT CHAPTER LAH. wth. so yah. stood behind, was playing with jiayi and friends. haha

then i was smsing behind my exercise book lah. idiotic man. then heart talked with chye aik outside the class. heyy sorry for not telling you so much alright? yah im really sorry. i love you my pet dino. haha. hmm yah so we were chatting and aaron was such an idiot. he was looking left and right outside the boys' toilet. then suddenly, he switched off the lights, turned around and grinned. AND WE SAW HIM. haha damn freaking funny lah. then the guy inside came out and looked around. so he acted like as if he didn know anything. then when the guy went back in, aaron went to the switch, on off on off on off alot of times. and ran away. HAHAHA HES DAMN IDIOTIC!

haha bio was next. i slept for 20 minutes. got back bio test. heyy, i got 20. HAHA. i thought i would fail. not bad nottt bad. i couldn wake up lah. then lissa choo tapped my face quite alot of times and said RECESS to me. i woke up immediately and packed my stuff. haha, so yah. had prata and milo dino for recess today. yay. and almost like half of fourdee was standing at the ice cream man there. haha we were playing with his bell and stuff (: fourdeeeee (: haha. we were quite late for chinese. haha

three periods of chinese. boring. talked with mel for the entire three periods. we talked and talked non stop lah. haha idiotic man. ian and jiayi went to eat prata HAHA. damn funny lah. then the teacher asked us where they go. then kengheng say "they eat prata then got stomachache. the toilet very smelly, thats why i change so fast" HAHAH SUPER FUNNY LAH.went to the toilet. saw NEO JUN WEI! (: then i covered his eyes then he "OH DAMNIT, WHO IS IT. I CANT SEE" hahaha freaking funny lah. then mel and i were trying to play ghost. we used this rod to open the door and then we werent there. haha it was quite real. esmonde got scared when he saw the handle going up and down. then after that, he saw the rod then he felt better. HAHAHHAA

hmm three periods of english afterward. i think miss mano gave up on me. i shant say what happened. but i was really damn tired lah. hmph. "ANYBODY WISH TO DISAGREE?" YAWNSSSS, thats me. the class laughed. i didn know i was that loud.

so yeaaaa. after that. went for lunch with the girlies. then went for the cca award rehearsal. i was damn upset. cause i didn finish my milo dino ): hahah. and COLIN WAS HILARIOUS. i laughed and laughed like mad lah. seriously man, hes so duper funny! haha. u should have seen how he shook hand and how he bowed. HAHAHAHHAHAA

so yah. after that. had ice cream. then went off with jacq, yunxing and lissa. heyy yunxing, cheer up okay? i love you! (:

so yah. now im home. pretty early huh.

yah, so kim is quite happy now. thinking of those two smses on sunday never fails to make me smile like an idiot. i dont know why. HAH.

i smsed you. i took the initiative again. guess i still want us back. ohwells. but i know the feelings that u have for me now are so so little. sighs. what to do. come on kim, be happy.

i cant wait for tomorrow afternoon. essential brew with the UNDERGRADS. i will be happy, for sure (:

what do i really want. will i really feel okay if you dont like me anymore, if you dont want us back? i dont think i will be. perhaps im just lying to myself, trying to delude myself. trying to put on a brave front. perhaps. but i really hope that i will be fine.

/beautiful memories that i have to lay behind
known each other for 151 days
liked each other for 115 days, actually more.
been together for 63 days
been out countless times
been to 21 movies
nearly broke up cause im a weirdo, twice

i love you, i still do.
as long as ure happy, i'll be.
hope we can still be very good friends, just like how we were before we admitted that we like each other on the 10th of april.

if we could go out this weekend, it would be the best birthday present for me.
i thought this year's birthday would be the best. i thought of us spending the weekend out tgt and stuff. alright, that was damn long ago. but wells, if only what i thought of would come true.

okay okay stop it. look forward kim. tomorrow will be a great day.

and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERANNE WONG CHU WENNNNN!!! (((:
i loveeeee you! (:

rewrite my story ;
8/02/2006 07:57:00 PM