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and yah chatted for close to two hours. the call was yah, full of rubbish and all. but i did smile and i was kinda happy. thanks for the call yah. what you said was so ENRICHING. and yah it benefitted both of us. haha sorry i dozed off at some points in time. but i listened most of the time alright. yah it was a great time. and please wear a shirt in air con room lah okay. damn dumb lah you sucker. hah
so yah. i woke up. couple of smses. HMPH.
and so, im the bad one again. im ALWAYS the bad one.
so i was thinking. that i should this and that. and the last thought was, my life sucks. ahh damnit. that time i still say what, i love my life. eat shit lah.
`and i went back on my promise to myself. freakk
you dont seem to care anymore. you dont seem to be interested in my life since donkey years ago. im not asking for much. i just hope that you'll care. that you'll bother. stopping communication totally seems to be oh so fine with you. or are you actually hoping that we dont talk at all. you dont need me i know. but do you even notice that im gone, that im not around? i am cut off from your life totally. it doesn matter if im dead or alive, does it. cause you'll never know if i am. till perhaps someone says "shes dead". im so insignificant, to you. my existence means nothing to you. you get on day by day without me, without talking to me blah. guess you dont even feel my absence, do you. or do you actually embrace the fact that im gone and heyy, good riddance. and youre used to it i guess. used to getting on without me. wells, thats not surprising. but im not used to it. its so not easy.
i can never let go as easily as you were able to. and in fact, the truth is i dont want to try. but seriously, youre tearing my heart apart. will it take all you have to send me a sms? will it take all your energy to care? if its that hard, then yah forget it. but i believe it is not. and i so want you to be there for me, to care for me.
i know im incomparable to her. that i dont mean as much as she does to you. but im so envious of how you care for her, how you treat her and stuff. and mind that, im envious, not jealous.
i know you think that im unreasonable, OVERSENSITIVE, weird blah blah. but will you understand whats going on with me? why am i behaving in a certain way at times? will you place yourself in my situation and feel for yourself, how im feeling? perhaps then, you will truly understand.
i know things are still kinda awkward between us. but will it kill to be there for me like you promised? if its a yes, then i get it. i understand.
i said i'll be there for you always and i will be.
what about you?
do you even want to be friends? i think we can forget about, good friends.
its hurting alot, it is.
-
`so you arent nice. afterall.
`guess your impression of me changed. guess im like so bad. but wells, its me. i have changed also.
> and should i say that i hate you. nah you know i dont. but i was so okay, so so okay and i was moving on till that thursday. till you treated me that way. and it made me fall back into the pit again. and now, im strugglin to get out all over again. feelin sad ever so often again. ahh idiot. if you hadn upsetted me, then i would be so okay now lah. smack your face man. but yah, i dont blame you, cause youre such a sweetie. thanks for every single thing.and i feel so forgotten;
9/07/2006 03:04:00 PM
THE GIRL
fairfield
sixteen
7th august 90
kimberley_yeo@hotmail.com
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