JUST SO YOU KNOW ;

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

today was yah pretty alright. sent a six page long sms and didn get a reply. so yah, went on with my papers. so i think the passage a of the paper was kinda interesting. about what male animals do to attract the females. its damn cool lah. imagine a empis making a balloon bigger than himself, putting sweet stuff inside and flying it to the female. blahblah.

history was crazy shit. all i know was some stuff about the war in pacific. i was so happy when i saw "war in pacific" and then i looked at the questions. marco polo bridge? then i stoned. since when got marco polo bridge.. ohnoooo. so i didn do that. i did the one on russia. and my essay is like one third of the page? i just slept after i finished all the shit. aiyah. die alr lah.

so yeah. after the paper.

ohwait. i think im damn weird. after every paper, ppl will be talking about the questions and answers. and i wont. i'll just stand there and listen.. so weird lah. cause i think whats the point. if you know, and youre wrong, then its like you make yourself sad. then the whole day you'll be thinking, why was i so careless. why did i write that and stuff. and the main point is that, it is over, and you cant change anything. so might as well not talk about it. okay, i think im weird. forget it.

hmm so after that. went with elis and chye aik to holland. that hamster left once we got off the bus. how smart. retarded shit. hah. so to gelare for waffle. no banana walnut ice cream ):

so long chat and all. to the pet shop to see the puppies and hamsters. theres this dog damn cute lah. a maltese. i love maltese! ahh i miss my dog ): hah. theres a dog, twinky's breed. two months old only. super small, hyper and active, err hyperactive. and freaking cute. then theres this dog, dont know what breed. looks damn short and chubby, super super cute. then i put my finger there, he ran and jumped and knocked into the glass. poor thing. damn cute lah. then theres this dog call chow chow, looks like a gorilla...

so then after that, we walked all the way out then we bussed home. separate ways. wesley and timothy came up my bus.

so yah. got home. slept straight away.

-

anyway, today i had alot of time during the papers, so i thought thru alot of things. and i realised i was so damn dumb, to just let you blast at me. i didn blast back. so i decided to send a freaking long sms to make my stand clear. and its 16 pages long.

and i just wana emphasize again, THAT I DIDN LIE. and that you should put yourself in others shoes, see things from their perspectives, feel for yourself how they are feeling, be neutral and look at things from both sides and then judge. you kept standing up for them and you didn think of my situation, what kind of circumstances i was in, and you blasted at me. damn unfair lah. its like its just so freaking unfair alright, to just blast at me about im wrong and stuff without knowing my side of the story.

ugh, i hate being accused. now i think of it, im more pissed off than yesterday. why didn i blast back. so stupid. and now when everything is okay, i sent this sms to find trouble. aiyah. whatever it is. i feel so accused. and i so hate it.

and you saying that i upset the people around us. tell me what did i do. accusing me of using him to spite you when i never ever freaking did that. and that got me very pissed off. and the accusation of the fake friendships, that was even worse. why would i fake friendships with them just because you were hanging out with them? you think i did that to be closer to you? i dont have to what right. its not like as if we dont spend time together or what. theres no freaking reason why i will do that kinda shit alright. and you putting all the blame of the many things that are happening on me, saying its my fault and stuff, wahlao eh. thanks man. accusations. how would you like to be in my shoes?

alot of the stuff you said was so not neutral, so one sided. and you judge me based on them. its freakingggg unfair.

and so do you think that i didn cry over that same issue? and you telling me that she cried over it. and what about me? you two are even closer. you just kept defending them, siding them, pushing the wrong all onto me. i hope you get it now that its not oversensitivity. its natural for girls to feel that way. and i hope you understand how i felt now.

i have said my piece. think im wrong all you want. seriously, what can i do to change your thinking, nothing. and you will side everyone else, believe everyone else but me. so why should i still bother about explaining any further? since whatever i say never will strike you as the truth.

you think im fabricating the truth. hah why am i not surprised.

I CANT STAND BEING ACCUSED.

i feel so accused and not understood. darn
and who was the one lying man.
-

so yeah. ____ is damn freaking sweet (:

-

i have a very long post to type. but perhaps later? or tmr? or during the weekend?

six pages long one ignored. sixteen pages long one ignored also. ohwells.

-

xinyi sent me this today.
:

even though you may want to move forward in ur life. you may hav one foot on e brakes. in order 2 b free. we must learn how to let go. release the hurt. release the fear. refuse 2 entertain your old pain. the energy it takes to hang onto e past is holding u back from a new life. wat is it u would let go of today?

-

so sad. if you had told me all those stuff when we were still together, i would have change. if we had quarrelled and clear things up, things would have been better. we wouldn be what we are now. if only we had said out all the problems, sort things out and stuff. i know i was reluctant to say things also. if only i had told you how i really was feeling. aiyah, my bad too.

but well, alls too late. far too late.

and let me tell you something, i wasn like what you said cause of no reason. there were reasons and i just responded by being how i was.

i dont know why, but i just cant hate, though you are so mean.
perhaps its cause i realised that i was bad last time.

i so want a chance to start everything afresh, but its not possible.

where the love once shined so bright ;

rewrite my story ;
9/12/2006 11:49:00 PM